I'm feeling crappy. I'm too afraid to really spill my emotion the series right now. Unrequited love... Hnnn...
God. I'm such a fucking teenager. "Love"... Ha! I'm the kind of person who can't touch the phrase "I...lub you" with a ten-foot-pole without choking on their own vomit... Nnnn...
Have to focus on this series... Maybe it will help?

"I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds
Searching until my hands bleed!
This flower don't belong to me..."

 "Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier"

Ack

Okaaaaaay, so the blog will be back up a little later than I thought. My computer is being a butt. We can't wipe it now 'cause of that stupid virus. Good new is that I'm getting a brand new computer over the course of the next 2 weeks (had to type "weeks" 3 times,  -  first 2 said "weeps" and "weels").
So yeah. Same as before, if my account has been hacked, zoeanaisextra@yahoo.com
Check out the thingy I posted on DeviantArt!
http://zoezoewriter.deviantart.com/art/Roza-Zholnerovich-275635145

Viruses

Hey guys, just wanted to tell any and all who may be reading that this is not a dead blog. I'm having some issues right now with my computer, the 7-year-old piece o' shit. It's all virused up for the 800th time. Beware XP Protection Center! It is a virus! The only way to get it off is to wipe the hard-drive and that is a pain in the ass! My computer has got it for the second time (you'd think I'd learn my lesson, eh?) and it won't even let me on Google! Seriously, I'm writing this from Lori's laptop. -_-
So yeah, over the next couple days Mark is going to wipe the hard-drive and re-install. Nearly all my stuff is off - I just need to get my fonts.
I don't plan on ever abandoning this blog. By Christmas (if you celebrate - I just see it as a time to get gifts for free, honestly) I should be back with more Communism Rants and otter shit.
Also, if there are any links posted to porno sites, websites showing racism and/or intolerance, gibberish, or anything else that I would never post, my account has been hacked. If this happens, please contact me at zoeanaisextra@yahoo.com so I can alert the blogger staff.

(No Title)

Fack. I hate being sick.
Grr. Have caroling tour for chorus tomorrow.
I have like a million things due for school on Friday.
Just got three biographies at the library last night; two on Josef Stalin and one on Vladimir Lenin. Doing a project on Stalin for Language Arts. My L.A teacher didn't know who Stalin is. Gonna laugh my ass of when she realizes.
Gah. I need to go vomit.

Quotes of the Day

Here are the most interesting things I've said, thought, and wrote all day.

"Hey, Chris, I don't have much to say to you, but I have to say this... Fuck you, we're over! And you sure as hell ain't gettin any of this! *unzips lumpy jacket to reveal non-dress-code tanktop*"

- This was last week, but it's still an epic break up.

"If the rich don't help the poor, then the poor will remain poor, and the rich will remain rich, and nobody will ever be happy with what they've got. There goes trickle-down economics."

- An excerpt from my half-page long answer to "Do you think the rich are obligated to help the poor?" When I say "half-page" I mean, litrally, half-page.

"Fuck you, bitch!"

- To my mother this morning when she called me fat. What I wanted to say was "Fuck you, at least I'm not anorexic like like your twiggy ass, See You N Tea."

"I don't 'dislike' music. I love music. I just hate what's 'popular'. The fact of the matter is, I listen to way more Rammstein and Mozart than can possibly be healthy."

- My response if anyone ever was to claim I don't like any music because I don't like Pink Floyd, Linkin Park's new album, and whatever the hell else they were listening to in my first hour.

"There isn't a worse person alive who could have small hands and stubby fingers than mir."

- To Erika after she commented on how ridiculously small my hands are. Her response was to tell me to shut the fuck up.

"Touch me one more time and I will punch you in the jaw, boy"

- A very irritated me to a boy in my math class. He decided not to test my words.

"Well then. I just spent the last half-hour or so listening to a song about a man who walks up to a school, kills a bunch of kids, rapes a schoolgirl, and then bleeds to death (presumably because he stabbed himself). And I was singing along. Yeah, I had a bad day."

- My facebook post, written about Rammstein's song Weißes Fleisch. I'm not sure if this is actually what the song was intended to be about, but that's what I've always taken it as. And yes, that's the one that the one Columbine boy said described him perfectly. Go figure.

"Instead of 'Look at Frosty go', I almost sang 'Watch me kill myself'.'"

- I had to sing "Frosty the Snowman" for chorus. And I hate Christmas. It's seriously just a time of year when I can get comic supplies (particularily paper) for free. Actually, I don't really like any holiday.

----------------------------------------------------------------

So yeah. My day sucked. I was depressed and pissed nearly all day. But then my mom bought me candy canes. And I just got back from a chorus preformance. So now I'm fine. Sort of. Hooray.

. . .

Here. Have some Rammstein.

Ooh, that reminds me. I posted a youtube video. Have some Latin Christian music sung by mich.

Symbols

My soul is yellow, red, and blue, living like a butterfly in a feild of roses.

I am me, me I am. I love me for me, and anyone else who wants to join in is welcome.

My symbols are tributes to those I love. My grandfather gave me a bunch of yellow, red-spattered roses not too long ago. I started drawing my Blue Butterfli after spending time with my cousin Barb. Both of these became so much more to me. They became part of who I am.

Roses are raw emotion. Yellow for freindship, spattered with the red of love, passion...blood. My blood, my spirit.

A butterfly, free to do as it wishes, a symbol of change, beauty... Fragile...

As Sylvia Plath wrote many times, "I am, I am, I am".

My Mood in a Nutshell

Screw it

Nothing ever goes right. It doesn't matter what it is I'm doing it will not go right. There will always be something that prevents me from doing what I want. Wanna get published? Ooh, sorry, don't have the money! Need to sharpen a pencil? Sorry, dropped it on the floor; the led's all cracked up! Need to scan a drawing? Aw, sorry, but you need paper that's one sixth of an inch smaller!
Fuck it. Just fuck it all. I finally get around to drawing my fucking comic and I can't even finish it because everything in the fucking world just doesn't want me to have a creative fucking bone in my body. Dammit. I think the universe might be trying to tell me "don't draw you stupid whore, you suck ass" or something along those lines.
Just
forget
it.

Just a quickie...

Yay~ Just finished scripting the first volume of my new series~ This one's definitely not going to be scrapped! I won't allow it!
Muahahahaha... Shonen-ai... =:3
To the Americans, Happy Thanksgiving!





November 24, 2011
The camera was doing this weird "delay" thing... Just as I was looking down is when it just had to snap the picture...

BEEP

It's funny how a man only thinks about the BEEP
You've got a real big heart but I'm lookin' at your BEEP
You've got real big brains but I'm lookin' at your BEEP
Girl there ain't no pain he be lookin' at your BEEP
I don't give a BOOP
Keep lookin' at my BEEP
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're lookin' at my BEEP
I'ma do my thing while you're playin' with your BEEP
hahahahaha, hahahaha---OH WAIT.

So, before I explain the random Pussycat Dolls lyrics, I find it necissary to say that.......a dude I asked out finally said yes!
*chirp, chirp, chirp...*
Uh, guys that was your cue.
*crowd cheers*
His name's Chris. He's an awesome emoboy. :3
...unfortunately, I just explained the lyrics at the beginning. His atitude actually matches the lyrics perfectly. He knows I'm smart, he knows I have emotions, he knows that there are so many other reasons to like me, and yet...
Hmm... Igeuss I could use this to my advantage... I Have Boobs, You Must Obey? (joking, joking!)
Well, now I have to go work on my political-romance-fantasy-whatever the hell genre comic. But first...

Italy: Brother, what is this "intercourse?"

France: Hahaha, Italy, you don't know? It's something you do with someone you like! ...So, Italy...do you like me?

— France and Italy, Axis Powers Hetalia (manga)

I couldn't help it! XD

Here's a nice AMV set to "Beep" by the Pussycat Dolls.

November 21, 2011

Math

***warning - rant***
I hate it. I hate it so fucking much. Math is the bane of all society. God damn it I hate math. Especially algebra. Algebra was created by the devil itself. Math just needs to, I don't know, die or disappear! Whichever can happen first!
And my facking Language Arts teacher! She just needs to suck one. I do her work but unless I do it just how she wants it, with every detail just perfect she gives me shit grades. The only thing I ever do good on is the "writing" grades.
So yeah. I need to do overdue homework. Algebra. And I need to write a paper. Just to top it off, Erika isn't on Skype right now. La da dee fuckin' da.
Thank god I have good music.

Urrrrg...

Sorry I haven't posted in a while (haha I'm acting like somebody's reading this.) This is going to be very, very long. So...let's get this over with.
On Thursday my preformance went...fine I geuss. We were last, after 3 middleschools, only to preform 2 songs. We only had six altos while we normalle have ten and my fellow sopranos seemed...shy. I seriously could hear myself way too much. Still, we got a ton of complements, so I geuss we were pretty good. I felt reeeally bad for the school who had to use kazoos for part of their second song. It was torturously hard not to laugh.
Friday... Umm... Well, my family went to a family friend's house... Hmm... Not much actually happened on Friday... Uhh... I think I flunked a math test??
Saturday I spent the day reading Scandinavia and the World, critisizing religion, thinking about ways Nietzsche could be improved, critisizing Freud (bloody idiot), critisizing the current state of the American government (fuck, that is all), and being irritated at an odd mix of "oh god I'm so lathargic" and "oh god I'm so M A N I C."
Fortunately, I finally settled down by 10:00 PM. I went in my room with the intention of staying up all night to finally finish the script for chapter 1 of my vampire series. Well, I pecked at my keyboard until about 1:30. That's when Erika started chattin; with me over Skype chat. We ended up arguing over fangirl matters after I stated that (Hetalia) Prussia and Germany were hottttt. Eri always claims Doitsu for herself. No matter what. So we argued about that for a while. Here's a summary:

Erika: Hey, what's up?
Zoe: You're awake? o_0
Erika: Yeah.
[blahblahblah]
Zoe: *banging head agianst wall* FFFOOOOCCCCUUUUUSSS *sort of consious* ooh lala~ Prussia and Germany~
Erika: haha YOU SORT OF FAINTLY MUTTERED GERMANY MIIIINNNNNEEEE!!!!!!!
Zoe: I HAD HIM FIRST!!! SO BLEH!!!!
Erika: MINE!!!
Zoe: MINE!!!
Erika: MINE!!!
Zoe: MINE!!!
Erika: MINE!!!
Zoe: *eventhoughwe'rekindofrelatedbecauseI'mpartGerman* MINE!!!
Erika: MINE!!!
Zoe: FINE BUT ON FOUR CONDITIONS!!!
Erika: MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!!!!!!
Zoe: I SAID OKAY BUT THERE -ARE- CONDITIONS!!!!
Erika: What?
Zoe: 1) I get Prussia and nobody can touch him, 2) From Hellsing, I get Alucard and Young Walter and nobody can touch them, 3) From Black Butler, I get Sebastian and nobody can touch him, 4) From Bleach, I get Ulquiorra and Grimmjow and nobody can touch them
Erika: Fine but I get everyone else.
Zoe: NO. YOU DO NOT GET EVERYONE ELSE. WE STILL HAVE TO ARGUE. I HAVE DIBS ON LELOUCH.
Erika: No fair!
Zoe: Let's share Lulu. *andmaybeDoitsutoo?*
Erika: Fine.
Zoe: You can Have Light/Kira and L. I get Beyond Birthday.
Erika: I want Italy and Japan.
Zoe: Fine. (thinking: ewwww...)
Erika: Oh and can I have that other guy from Black Butler I don't remember his name?
Zoe: Ceil? Sebby's master?
Erika: Yeah him!
Zoe: Pff, sure, he's all yours. I'm not a shota person.
Erika: Grr, what?
Zoe: I'm not a shota person. I like me a real man. Loli's on the other hand... heheheh...
Erika: Ceil is mine, heheheh...
Zoe: Wow we're kind of pathetic, I mean we're fighing over DRAWINGS. I sort of make up for it with my fangirling on real-life people, but you on the other hand... Hmm... Then again, in the end, I am the bigger otaku, aren't I?
[blahblahblah]

Hetalia: the only show that can make you a fangirl for a landmass.

So, after all that I was off to find pictures of the anime boys I claimed: Prussia, Lelouch, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, and Alucard... BUT THEN MY COMPUTER CRASHED WHILE I WAS LOOKING FOR PICTURES OF ALUCARD. Zoe was not pleased.
Somehow I ended up with 21 pictures of Till Lindemann...   ...   I SWEAR I AM NOT A FANGIRL.
My grandparents are coming over today, so I think I'm gonna spend some time with them. The rest of my time... Powertab is definitely going to be my friend today.
So yeah. Here I am.
...
I really am kind of pathetic, aren't I?

The first of the aforementioned Till Lindemann pictures that *ahem* mysteriously appeared on my computer... IwillnotfangirlIwillnotfangirlIwillnotfangirl... *fangirls* *smacks self* No! No fangirling! I will not fangirl!

November 13, 2011

Crap

Remember that cold-flu-throat thingy? Well, I woke up and felt like crap so i had to stay home from school. Am I happy? No. Because 1, this means I haven't talked to Erika in 3 days, 2, I can't go see my grandfather - who just flew in from Wisconson yesterday - later, 3, I have to do fucking make-up work for school, and 4, I feel like shit. And just to top it off, I ran out of Blip. Shit. I geuss I can use this time to work on my vampire comic. God, this is not my day.

November 8, 2011

Monday, Bloody Monday

Rrg.
So, appearantly I've got the vetran's day concert for chorus on Thursday. I was also informed that one of our songs were cut, which sucks because I love the stage, the stage loves me, and now I'm only on stage for like, 6 minutes.
I'm also hoping to god my math teacher is generous and gives me a good grade on all the homework I've had this quarter. I forgot to turn it in and found out I had straight F's. I just turned in in today. If my grades aren't good by tomorrow my family's gonna give me hell.
Erika wasn't in school today, so it was even worse. Everybody is spreading rumors that she and I are dating and it sucks. They're also spreading rumors that I have a crush on Mezzie, one of my guy friends. At the same time (somehow), there's also rumors going around that I'm a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that. at all. (gay pride, bitches!)
Just to top it off, I got the freakin' cold-flu-throat thing going around. I hope I can get over it by Thursday, if not I'm fucked.
Jesus christ...
This fucking sucks ass.
Shit. I need some Blip. and some Saltines. and some Wikipedia. and some Ouran Highschool Host Club. and some Hetalia. and some Sebby. and some Rammstein.
...and then I need to finally finish the first chapter in my vampire comic.
...and maybe I'll do my math homework.
...
I want an apple...

November 7, 2011

Communism Rant

This is controversial. If you you're offended, don't report me. I warned you.
Communism works well in princible but doesn't work in practice...unless you're either China or Prussia. And the China is semi-questionable. sort of. But Prussia actually made it work. mostly. Ya know, until the whole "switched to Fascism with Wilhelm II's death and then became a punching bag for Nazi Germany and the USSR to fight over eventually resulting in Nazi Germany just dissolving it to end it already" thing.
The biggest issues with communism is (A) people can't trust their government enough and (B) the government can't be trusted not to abuse the power over the people. It's an endless cycle of "Trust me, I can't trust you, trust me, I won't trust you."
If it was being used in a small nation (like, say, Andorra) then it would have a fighting chance.
Also, in school, when they say we're studing COMMUNISM they need to have us study COMMUNISM instead of just STALINISM. Stalinism is only ONE form of communism, and it will never work well. Stalinism is just...no. I'm pretty sure they're still trying to keep up the Red Scare thing with my generation. Yeah, keep the commies out. Bloody idiots... Communism as we know it began with Marx (Marxism). Aside from Stalin (Stalinism) there is also Marxism, Leninism (Lenin), Trotskyism (Trotsky), Maoism (Mao), and Luxemburgism (Luxemburg). Don't shove it down our throats that all communism is Stalinism, goddammit!
If you want my personal opinion on these forms, Stalinism won't work and Maoism...well, I don't think it works well, but China seems to be doing fine... I think Trotskyism has the most potential to work, next Luxemburgism or Marxism, and then Leninism. Stalinism, however, will never be able to work. ever.
On yet another note, the USSR was dissolved in 1991. Russia, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, the Ukraine, the Czech Republic, and Belarus are not bad places and there is no reason for people to freak out whenever they are mentioned in politics.
A link to my aforementioned Friday night communism notes.
Oh, and contrary to popular belief, I am neither a Communist nor a Neo-Nazi. As in, I am not a communist or a Neo-Nazi.

Formerly communist countries in orange. Currently communist countries in red.

The traditional hammer and sickle. A gold variation was used for the USSR and there are several other variations used elsewhere.





November 6th, 2011

Crowds...

Just got back from the chalk fest (an annual attraction here in Sarasota; a bunch of artists from all over the world come and do chalk-art on one of our streets). Too many people. Seriously. I couldn't even see the art. Appearantly he whole reason we went was so Jeremy could see some 3-D-ish lego thing. But geuss what? The lego thing was changed into something else over night. And I had to walk around that place in a Hollister winter coat I got from my step-aunt in 84 degree weather becausee I was too stupid to change before we left. And I've litrally been awake since 12:00 PM. I went to bed at 6:00 AM. Barely 6 hours of sleep to have to walk around in a crowd with a coat on in 84 degree weather looking for an art piece that's not even there anymore  and there are too many people to even get a glance at any of the other art. What an absolutely wonderful wake-up.
Well, at least I got pancakes before we left...
Here's a link to the website for the chalk fest.
God... I need to calm down with some Rammstein and writing, see if I can get ahold of Erika, work on my German lessons, (sort of) do my math homework... Come on, Zoe, be in a good mood already...

November 6th, 2011

And so we begin...

"I'm not a glass-half-empty or a glass-half-full kind of person. I'm the kind of person who'll smash the glass against the wall and say 'you got me the wrong kind of soda'"

Now, who said that? Come now, don't pretend like you know. No, don't look it up on Google/Yahoo/MSN/whatever the hell you're using either. This is because very few people know who Zoe Marshall is. As far as you're concerned, Zoe Marshall does not exist. Well, at least until now. Why now, you ask?
Because I am Zoe Marshall. Welcome to my blog.
My full name is Zoe Anais Marshall, "Anais" being after Anais Nin. On the internet, I'm known as zoezoewriter. I was born June 23rd, 1999 in Janesville, Wisconson and I have lived in Sarasota, Florida since I was 4. I am in 7th grade, all gifted classes (133 IQ at 10 yrs). I have a 2.5 GPA, although if I really wanted to I could pull off a 4.0... It's just so boring I...
Anyway, why do I think I am interesting enough to have a blog?
I write, I sing, I draw, I act a little... I have a knack for Psychology (Neitzsche over Freud), Criminology (considered becoming a criminal profiler), History (WW2 especially), and Government (I once spent a Friday night writing notes on communism).
I am an otaku and proud (for those who don't know, an otaku is basically an anime/manga freak who gets into it a little too much.) My favorite series is Axis Powers Hetalia - my friends actually call me Russia because of this. If you know the series, you have another bit of my personality. My favorite serious series would have to be Elfen Lied. After that Death Note, Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler), Code Geass (love that black and gray morality), Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni, Masturbation Master Kurosawa (a little-known, non-hentai, non-ecchi manga)... I also like the webcomic Blip and Homestuck- *shot*
Ehem... Anyway...
I'm teaching myself German, I plan on taking a French class next year for highschool credit, I plan on learning Czech and Russian at some point, I'll have to learn Spanish eventually with the way America is becoming.
My calling card is the Blu Butterfli, that sketchy, angular butterfly you see everywhere. I have an association with yellow, red-spattered roses as well.
Dislikes... Cheaters, egotists, con-artists, liars... I swear to whatever higher power there is out there, lie to me and you will not live to lie again.
Favorites... Food would be Saltines...or maybe apples...no, Saltines. Color... Umm... Dark I geuss? Umm...
Hmm... Congrats to those of you who are still here, because now we get to the more (or less) interesting part.
In regards to my little talents... With writing, I'm partial to psychological, mystery, thriller, and political or black comedy (but never at the same time). I'm working on getting my book, Criminal Obligation, ready for publishing. Just proofing and adding illustrations, then I can self publish with a little help and... (Criminal Obligation was scrapped mid 2011) My preffered form is actually comics, which I illustrate with the help of my background artist (after actually starting I began drawing my own backgrounds) I draw in anime and my style is very sketchy. I use dark pencil instead of ink. I smack Blu Butterfli Productions on everything...
With singing, I'm a soprano, I only really sound good when I'm singing opera, which actually kind of sucks 'cause I sound ridiculous when I'm singing along to some Rammstein, Nirvana, Rise Against, Smashing Pumpkins, Chevelle, Seether, Breaking Benjamin, old Linkin Park, Nine Inch Nails, Vocaloid... Basically anything I would listen to regularly with the exception of Evanescence. I actually want to see if I can get a band together during high-school. We'd have to center everything around my voice since it's...odd, but hey, no point in letting a good voice go to waste, right? Since we all know how damn long it takes to get an album together I'd still have time for writing. I'm not really gonna put too much emphasis on the acting, not too serious about that.
My biggest inspirations are Jhonen Vasquez (Invader Zim was awesome, but I think JTHM is better), Kurt Cobain (Rock In Peace), Till Lindemann (*waits for the moral gaurdians to get me*), Mozart, Richard Bachman (actually Stephen King, but you get what I'm implying; Rage is amaizing), and the Zodiac Killer (joking, joking! Sort of... *fascinated*).
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (by Jhonen Vasquez) and Rage (by Richard Bachman/Stephen King; now out of print) are practically my Bible.
So, that's me. Wow, I probably sound like a vain bitch, going on and on about myself like this... Let's talk about the people I'll be posting about, shall we?

I said I would, so here I go.

First up is my forever-best-friend, my partner in crime, a little-known blond broad by the name of Erika J. We met back in 5th grade, but we never really started talking until we ended up in that all-girls 2nd period in 6th grade... "We killed all the boys!" is what she yelled to good old Mr. LC, which caused me to burst out laughing with hat Wicked-Witch-serial-killer-burning-alive screech of mine. I'm tellin' ya, I just don't know what it is about that girl... She's got a crooked wheel upstairs but god, is she the twin sis I never wished for. She's energetic, blatant, blunt, a little daft at times (she's blond what do you-*shot*), and dark as pitch with barely an idea of when a good time to hide it is. We balance each other out, keep each other from going a little too mad. She smacks "Creepy Cutie Productions" on everything. For college she plans on going to a film school in the area. She also told me she hates my blog. (I fell in love with her, and we've been falling away from each other since then. I hate it. I hate it so much. Because she's one of the only people I've got.)

Next we've got my mother, Lori Marshall. She's a good woman, reliable - I have to admit that much. She doesn't treat me like I'm less than her, which is nice. She's a strong person, not afraid to speak her mind. Honestly though, Lori's a bit...spastic.

Then there's my step-dad, Mark Sanders. He has a book published - An Alternative Perspective. Although, his publishing company kind of fucked him over. He has good thoughts, good ideas. He's smarter than most people I've met, and really lax on most things. He's actually voiced anger like, twice since he moved in last year. Overall, Mark's a pretty awesome dude.

Of course I should mention my siblings, Echo June Vincent (16 yrs older, dif. father), Brennan Marshall-Morris (8 yrs older, dif. father), and Jeremy Sanders (1 yr younger, step-brother. I like to call him Germ.) Echo is a traveler, for now she's in China with her husband and daughter. Her mind is waaay out there. Brennan is in college, he's a...nice person. His charisma is better than most people you'll meet in a lifetime and he's...quirky. Jeremy's just a kid, he has a pretty soft personality, and he loves legos and videogames.

And then there's the biological father... The sperm donor... The lying bastard... I don't like him much. (Oh daddy~ You owe me for keeping you anonymous~ Chuck over the $5000+ you owe us~)
Hmm...

That turned out a lot longer than I intended.

So yeah. That's me and my people. I hope you enjoy hearing about my little blip of life.

I decided to take a pic of myself every day I post so I can see how I change as long as I have the blog going.

Pic of me, November 5th 2011

A drawing of me (drawn by me), taken out of the blog background AH OH ME GOD MY EYES KILL IT WITH FIRE. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!!!