Sunday, April 29, 2012

Trigger 3

Oh god oh god oh god oh god I lost her number I lost the number OF THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON WHO CAN CALM ME DOWN why the fuck is this happening this can’t be happening why is this happening it’s not fair I need to talk to her oh god oh god oh god why the fuck is this happening.

Trigger 2

Why can’t I trust anyone again. Why is this happening AGAIN. I want to trust. Why can’t I trust. God damn it just when I was getting better this shit has to happen. I thought I was over this. Why can’t I be over this. Please dear god. I need to be over this. Please. I want to trust again why am I so fucking weak that I’m even letting him get into my existence I don’t want him here get out of my head get out of my head I wanna forget why can’t I forget why can’t I forget?
Someone get me a fucking razor.

Trigger

Why is this happening why is it that everything has to come crashing down again I lost my grandfather and my may-as-well-be-sister cousin my mom hates me my step dad hates me everyone hates me and I’m just a selfish bitch for complaining and I hate myself for it and please dear god nobody see this I don’t fucking deserve to live I’m just like my father aren’t I I’m just like my fucking father I’m a liar and a hypocrite and I should just fucking die and I don’t want to be anymore I don’t want to try I just want to stay in my house for the rest of my life I don’t want anyone to know I exist and I want to stay in here and starve to death because I’m so fucking fat I don’t deserve to eat and I am so fucking ugly I’m not a good person I’m a horrible person I’m too afraid to call my best friend because I would make her leave too and I’m sick of being alone but I just want to be alone can someone please just fucking kill me already why do I have to be so useless why do I have to hurt everyone it’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair why why why why why why why

Thursday, April 26, 2012

my head hurts my brain hearts my chest hurts my heart hurts i cant think i xant fucking think oh my god i dont want to be here i dont want to e anywheerwwew cant i justg fdukcking dsiadppeaer i diotn want to i d[pnt wanst to i dont wa tn tooh mty gpd [plesswe somkeone ednd ethings shit
I'm not a failure.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

I Can Do What I Want - a PSA by Zoe Marshall

video
This reeeeally wasn’t meant to be angry, but it ended up angry so… Sorry, I guess. I’m just sick of people treating me like I lack a mental capacity.
Moral of the story: Don’t listen to the limitations others put on you. You can do whatever you want if you have the determination to do it.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Artyshtuff - Jae

 


Here, have a crappy reference sheet for one of my characters. Except you guys get the tiny watermarked version because I don't trust the internet.
This is Jae Roberts, one of the main characters in the book I'm writing, Iris.
Jae is the hero's therapist, and literally his only friend. He hides his emotions and does things he doesn't even agree with just to fit in with social norms (that's also why he's anorexic but...). He really, honestly, tries to stay neutral, but 7 times out of 10 he'll fail and end up calling the person he's disagreeing with a fool or something similar - especially if that person is our hero.
Jae's personality is based around Freud's concept of Superego, with the other protagonists taking Ego and Id, respectively. He's not much of a fighter, but when he has to fight he uses 6 over-sized needles, three in each hand. His associated animal is the house-cat and his color is yellow.


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

So uh I was writing to kill time and somehow I started a new book and these are the main charries for it. Morning “Morn” Gloria (left, male) and Tallin Sasha (right, female but dresses as a boy to get closer to Morn)


video

Saturday, April 7, 2012

I'll be on Ustream coloring my fantrolls in a bit if anyone's interested.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

My grandfather just died.
He never got to see me publish.
He never got to see my reign.
He never got to see me cry happy tears.
My grandfather just died.
I'm allowed to be apathetic.
I want to be left alone.
But all my mom can say is "Yeah, he'd really appreciate that."
Fuck you.
My grandfather just died.
He was the closest thing I had to a father for nearly all my life.
He never got to see me publish.
He never got to see my reign.
He never got to see me cry happy tears.
He just died.
I'm clawing my skin off.
My grandfather just died.
He was the closest thing I had to a father nearly all my life.
My grandfather just died.