Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Give me one reason to care

Just one reason.
ONE GOOD REASON to care about ANY of this.
I couldn't care LESS about school.
They aren't teaching me ANYTHING I can use.
And if you're thinking "You won't be saying that later!" trust me, I WILL be saying that later.
I have been taught nothing USEFUL in the last year or so.
I mean, come on. Algebra? No. If you wanna be a mathematician, learn algebra on your own motherfuckin time. Don't take up mine.
On top of that, I have been taught the EXACT SAME THING in Language Arts and Science my entire life.
The only classes I have benefited from are my Civics, Chorus, and TV-Film classes.
On top of it, my Algebra teacher has seven students failing at the moment and one A, IN MY CLASS ALONE.
I'm a writer. I know how to write and read. I have the highest Lexile in my school (tied with Erika's ex-boyfriend). If my Lexile gets much fucking higher, they won't be able to calculate the damn thing. I know how egotistical that sounds, but I'm being serious.
And then I get yelled at for even giving less than a fuck?
No no no.
In this situation, I believe not giving a fuck is warranted.
Academically, I AM NOT AN OVER-ACHEIVER. I never HAVE been. Before, it just kind of happened. I didn't TRY. I do not care if I am a straight-A student. I am perfectly fine with being average if I excel in doing what I love.
And no, Lori, using the word "average" is not a fucking SIN. I know I'm smart. It's the fact that you expect me to act on it that's bringing me down. How about ya call me STUPID one more time? Compare me to my BROTHER one more time maybe? Yeah. Make me feel fucking bad about being content with focusing my time on something I LOVE and can actually BENEFIT from. Try to get me to look AWAY from my future ENTIRELY, try to make me give up my comics, try to get me to be that academically perfect little daughter who's just like her BROTHER. Tell me how SMART he is one more time. Just do it. I fucking DARE YOU.
I am completely fine being an "average" or even a "below average" student academically if it means I have more time to focus on my comics and do what I LOVE to do and focus on my REAL FUTURE. I'm perfectly content with that. I mean, honestly, if you don't approve of my wanting to be a comic creator, just fucking SAY IT. Don't keep going around screaming about how glad you are I'm creative if that's not how you really feel. That just makes you a liar. And you know how bad I am with liars.
You want me to be a singer, don't you? You want me to be a singer like you wanted to be? Yeah. That's what I thought. I love to sing, Lori, but you are making it HELL for me. Every time I do, you start going on and on and on about how you want me to be a singer. But I do not want to sing professionally. I might release an album or two. But I don't want to do it as a real "job". I am a comic book creator and nothing is going to change that. What do you have against comic books anyway? It's not like I'm writing fuckin Superman. I'm writing something with a real story and a real plot. It's practically a novel. But no. No no no. Unless it IS a novel, unless it's what you "thought I would do" then I just CAN'T DO IT, now can I? Actually come to think of it, you'd be fine if I was anything BUT a comic book artist, wouldn't you? I mean, you thought I'd be an actress, a singer, a writer... But never a comic book creator. And because your little "prediction" about me wasn't right, you've got an issue, don't ya?
Well fuck you.
Just fuck you.
I don't care.
I am not my sister.
I am not my brother.
I'm not you.
I am ME.
I'm a girl who loves anime and comic books, who spends time messing around on tumblr, tv tropes, and wikipedia, who happens to be a bit of a pervert, who can be pretty lazy, who knows she's smart, whose knows she's pretty, who loves to sing, who writes to vent, who draws to meditate, who creates comic books of her own.
I'm a Blu Butterfli.

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