Monday, March 26, 2012

I went to see my cousin Barbie today. She is dying of cancer. At this point, we all just want it to end for her. She is going back to Illinois tomorrow. So, we stayed for a while, helped her pack... Shit like that.
My grandfather is also in the hospital again. He previously had cancer. The radiation gave him massive scar tissue on his lungs and gave him emphysema. He will most likely need to be on a steroid inhaler and be on oxygen for the rest of his life. He lost nearly all his weight and is balding. I just today realized that he will never be the same Gramps I remember. We don't even know how long he is going to survive. He is the closest thing to a real father I have ever had.
Essentially, I am no longer going to be able to be with either of these people.
I swear to whatever higher power there may or may not be, I will make everyone proud of me before I lose anyone.

1 comment:

  1. My beautifully sensitive and heartfelt daughter... I also feel that tinge, that sadness, that loss of what was and will not be again. The idea that we will not be able to physically be with our Barbie, only in spirit, is rather empty right now. Gramps is a lovely man and he will always be your gramps and Barbie your Barbie. The transition called "death" is merely a birth into our next experience... What IS it all about anyway, this wondrous thing called life?? It is about LOVE and learning... make every moment count, live in and embrace your "now" and share your heart boldly! We are proud of you.... thank you for being YOU! xoxoxo

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